Without You
by Nyllac
Summary: "What do you mean he's dead!" I screamed. "It's as I said Rukia Kuchiki. Ichigo Kurosaki is dead." Impossible. Set before Ichigo gets his powers back. IchiRuki, HitsuKarin, IshiHime
1. Chapter 1

Without You Chapter One

Disclaimer I do not own bleach

Ichigo's POV

"Yuzu, Karin, I'm going out!" I called upstairs.

I pulled on a hoodie and headed out the door. It's my eighteenth birthday today and I haven't had contact with anyone from the soul socitity for the longest time. I miss them so much it's to the point I'd fight kenpachi to be able to see them. But I'd never tell them that.

Now I'm stuck doing errands for Yuzu which means going to the super market.

I sighed and took a sudden interest with my shoes. I can still hear Rukia mocking my orange hair and feel her kicking my shin when I call her a midget. I miss them so damn much!

The flashing sign of the super market startled me out if my internal rambling. I snatched a basket and headed inside.

Ok Ichigo, what did Yuzu need again? Green onions, rice, chicken broth and red peppers. I turned toward the fresh food section when a scream made me drop my basket. I scanned the room looking for whoever screams.

"Help!"

"Shut up unless you want to die bitch!"

Well someone's in trouble. I looked over towards the check out area and say a man in a ski mask (wow this guys cliche) holding a silver gun to a woman's head. Across from her a two year old yelled for his mom.

"it's going to be fine, mommy's going to be fine." reassured the woman at gun point.

I kneeled behind the selves in front of the check outs, wait for when I could walk out. I sighed knowing the situation probably won't get better and stepped out from my hiding spot.

"sir, put the gun down." I said firmly as I dialed 9-1-1 behind my back. I turned down the volume of my phone then turned it on speaker som they could hear us but we couldn't hear them. "sir, put the gun down." I said loud enough for the phone to pick up what I said.

"why should I kid!" said the man, whipping his head and the gun in my direction.

"Look at the woman you have in a head lock. Now look at the screaming two year old. She has a family. A son, husband, parents. She has her ahead of herself, now look at yourself. About to take that life away, make a two year old watch his mom die. Do you want that?"

The man grinned. "Yes," he pointed the gun back at the woman's head and fired.

Blood splattered the walls and people screamed. The man moved his gun to the kid and I lunged for him, knocking him to the ground. I chopped the hand with the gun, making it fly across the room.

"you shouldn't have done that, kid"

"Why? So you can kill a toddler? No on my watch."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone pick up the gun. I turned to see another man with a ski mask point it at my head.

"that's why."

I put my forearm against the man below me's throat. "the longer you point that thing at me the harder I'll push" I threatened. I just had to wait until police got here, stall. The man dropped the gun to his side and I pulled my arm from the other mans throat.

The man flipped me and my back slammed against the lonolium floor. He drove his fist into my gutt.

"bro, give me the gun." he called.

Shit! Where's the police! The man handed him the gun. He put it to my temple.

"what's your name kid? And age, how old are you?"

"Ichigo Kurosaki, I turn eighteen today."

"well happy birthday, Ichigo." he smiled. "why don't I give you a birthday present?"

He grabbed a switch blade while the other guy pinned my arms then sliced open my tee-shirt. He stared at the spider webs of scars on my chest.

"you've been through a lot haven't you kid?"

"you could say that."

He smiled and ran the switch blade across my chest, "one more scare cant hurt right?" he dug the blade partially into my chest and carved the number 18 into it.

I had been through a lot worse, this is nothing. Anybody who had been in the store gasped when I didn't scream, or at least I think that's what the gasped at. The guy grabbed the gun again a put it to the middle of my fore head.

"police! put the gun down!"

The guy laughed. "I don't think so."

He fired.


	2. Chapter 2

Paste your docum

Rukia's pov

I signed my name in yet another blank. With being a lieutenant comes responsibility, and paperwork. I can't help but feel for captain hitsugaya who's lieutenant hasn't picked up a pen since the last time he took away her sake.

The door in front of me slide open. Revealing Kiyone and Sentaro bowing. "Captain wold like to see you Rukia-sama." they said in sync. "Thank you." I murmured. I placed my pen on the ebony table and stood. Wanting to escape before Sentaro and Kiyone bicker, something we've all tried to stop but never managed to succeed in. I bet you Ichigo would be able to make them stop, give em' a good slap upside the head.

I wonder what that idiot is up to now. Sulking I wouldn't doubt. That boy can go from having his head stuck up his ass to floating in the clouds in a instant. Sometimes I swear he's bipolar.

I kneeled on the stiff wood floor in a respectful way and slid open the door to Ukitake-taicho's compartment. He looked up from his paperwork. "Ah, yes Rukia. We have been summoned to a captains meeting." he sputtered through a fit of coughs. "We?" I questioned. "Yes head captain has ordered both of us to come." he paused to stand. "shall we leave? Wouldn't want to keep the old man waiting."

We shunpoed to where the captains meeting was being held. Ukitake-taicho Told me to wait outside until he came out to get me. I did as told and leaned against the cold stone wall in front of the massive double doors.

Something isn't right. Everything feels...wrong. Like I'm missing something important. But the unanswered question here is what? I checked my arm to make sure I remembered by lieutenants badge. Check, then what-

The giant doors swung open and Ukitake-taicho stepped out. His face was drawn with concern and something else I couldn't seem to name. "Rukia, I'm so sorry-" he began. "Silence Ukitake."

I looked past Ukitake-taicho to see the head captain. The rest of the captains had similar expressions to Ukitake-taicho, though some showed it less. A few were staring at their feet with an apparent interest in their shoes. Others looked shocked. And Unahana-taicho had her hand to covering her mouth. Even the maniac Kenpachi Zaraki looked concerned. Well as concerned as a man like him can possibly be.

But what caught my attention was the body box in front of the head captain. Someone was inside that box. Someone dead. If I'm here that means the person is close to me, if the body has been brought to the seireitei that means its someone important to the soul society. I could count on one hand the number of people It could possibly be. One stood out from the rest.

I walked into the meeting room and kneeled. I stared at the hand I had on my knee, I really didn't want to know who had died. Just the chance that I could be him-No! I can't let myself think like that. He may be an idiot but he is stubborn as hell and doesn't die easily.

"You already know who lies before me don't you Rukia Kuchiki?" I clenched my eyes shut. Praying it wasn't him. "No sir I'm afraid I do not." "Yes you do. Ichigo Kurosaki is dead."

My head snapped up. I already knew, but hearing it. Hearing those words. It kills the benefit of the doubt. "What do you mean he's dead?!" I screamed shakily.

"It is as I said Rukia Kuchiki. Ichigo Kurosaki is dead." he waved a hand at the body box before him. " See for yourself,"

I stood from my knees and reluctantly opened my scrunched eyes. I noticed twelve sympathetic pairs trained on me. I stepped leisurely towards the box. Once close enough I leaned down pulled off the cover. All the air escaped from my lungs and it felt as if everything just stopped. I could almost feel someone digging their hand into my chest and tearing my heart out. I staggered backwards and bolted for the door.

Everything was a blur as I ran to sougyoko hill. I could barely hear the whisper of voices in the background. Nothing mattered anymore. Not without him. He saved me so many times, he saved Orihime, he saved everyone. Just to die.

First Kaien-dono died. Then I went on as an empty shell. I saved Ichigo and his family. Nii-sama and Renji tried to kill him. I thought they succeeded. Then he comes out of nowhere against the odds with shinigami powers. Saves me. Saves Orihime, dies in the process. Comes back to life. Loses his powers. Then boom! He's dead. Gone. Forever.

A large hand gripped my arm. "Rukia!" I ripped my arm from Renji's grasp. "What do you want?" I snapped. Renji caught my gaze and froze. "Are you ok?"

He looked genuinely concerned but at this point I really didn't give a shit. "fine." I spat. "Now if you have realized this conversation will go nowhere I will be on my way. Goodbye Abari-fukutaicho."

I hurdled up the steps to sougyoku hill. The place that he saved me all that time ago, to be honest I half expected him to be there waiting for me. But when I reached the top he was no where to be found, not there, not waiting for me like he always was.

I guess you could say this is when I realized he was actually gone. When I finally knew that the one person who came into my life and wouldn't leave even if I wanted him to. Now he was just...gone. I thought of the chances of finding him in rukongai, my heart sank-next to none.

"I can take away the pain." whispered a firmilliar voice, "Sode no shirayuki?" I asked. The voice only laughed, the sound ringing through my head. "No hun, I'm not her." the voice was delicate. It laughed again, voice contorting and fading into a darker, rougher tone.

"Your hollow~"

ent here...


	3. Chapter 3

Rukia's pov

No. No. No. I do not have a hollow. No.  
"think what you want hun, but I'm here because he left you." I shuddered at the sound of her gruff voice.  
"He's gone theirs nothing I or you can do about it." I said to softly, in a way I was afraid of startling myself.

I kicked a pebble as I walked to the edge of sougyoku hill, bent down and dangled my legs over the edge. I'm scared. So, so scared that without him I'm nothing. He was the hero of the soul society who infiltrated us to save a girl from execution, I was that girl. He's the one who defeated Aizen then lost his powers, while I stood by and let him slip from my life. I checked up on him every three hours at the beginning but I cold never bring myself not to not make sure he's alright at least once every so days. Then I miss one day. One goddamn day. The guy has to go and die the day I don't check! I could have saved him. I wasn't there. I should have checked on him more often.

It's my fault.

"Rukia?" my back automatically shot straight at the sound of my name. I turned to see Nii-sama walking calmly towards me. "Are you alright?"

"is there a reason I shouldn't be alright Captain-Kuchiki-sama?" damn! Why did I just say that?  
He stared at me, taken aback by my honorifics. "Kurosaki is dead." he reminded me.  
"Yes? I'm still unsure of your point." I mentally flinched at the ice in my voice. For some reason I just felt so...angry.

Suddenly the left corner of my head started to feel numb, the sensation growing and slithering across to the other side of my face. My vision started to cloud as if a storm was becoming a lens, the darkness creeping. Almost as if I were losing consciousness.

"my turn to shine...honey." cackled her sinister voice.

A sudden realization crept upon me. "No." I whispered.  
Nii-sama cocked his head a millimeter. "pardon?"

"Nothing." growled her voice.

My voice.

* * *

sorry for taking so long! school just got back in and I'm busier than ever. Classic excuse I know. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews, as for that guest who said too cliche-don't like don't read. There is a preview for a reason. Hope you like!


	4. Chapter 4

The harsh rays of the sun through a small window tugged me out of the arms of sleep, making me pry my eyelids open and face whatever I was waking up to.

"Are you awake?" asked a female voice.

I turned in the direction of the sound and came face to face with a little girl. She was around five years old by the looks of it, I knew now not to judge anyone by how the look in the soul society, for all I know she could be three hundred years old. She had a heart shaped face and giant green eyes; her face was framed by long wavy brown hair. I could mentally picture Rukia squealing at her about how cute she looks.

"Yeah, I'm awake." I answered. "How long was I out?"

"About a day." She said. "Don't worry no one knows you're here."

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. After several soul society infiltrations, being nearly killed countless times and known for causing trouble here I don't think I'll ever feel safe.

"What's your name?"

She helped me sit up, I was stiffer than ever. "What's yours?"

"I asked first."

She sighed. "Toki. Now you."

"Kurosaki Ichigo. Substitute-"

"I'm aware who Kurosaki Ichigo is and I knew you were him from the start" She said, cutting me off. "And you're dead. No longer can you be called a 'substitute shinigami'. "

I fiddled with the hem of the woven tribal print blanket I was wrapped in courtesy of Toki. "Where exactly am I?"

"Western rukongai district 39. We're in on of the poorer parts but there honestly is no 'rich rukongai' the only wealthy part is the where the shinigami are." Toki bustled over to a wood burning stove and prepared us some tea. I'm pretty sure that this girl is far older than five.

"Were you ever a shinigami?" I asked out of pure curiosity. But honestly, whenever I wake up in a weird place with strange people their something to do with helping me.

"Yes. I was the lieutenant of division twelve when Kisuke was in charge. I refuse to work under that mad man Kurosuchi."

"You know hat and clogs?"

"I am very familiar with the man you refer to as 'hat and clogs' I also am acquainted with Mrs. Yoruichi." She paused to take the kettle of the burner. "I was given the task of caring for you when you died by Central 46 and the head captain."

I stared at her, wondering just what kind of power could come out of that tiny little thing. Obviously she was smart; she was Uruhara's lieutenant after all. On top of that she must be strong to be a lieutenant.

"Are you going to train me?"

She turned to me, taking her focus off deciding what flavor of tea she would like. "No. I was ordered to take you to the soul society. The rukongai is dangerous."

"And I can't take care of myself?" I questioned. "I'm fine on m own Toki."

"You attract trouble. Your death and return is meant to be a secret. The only people informed were your family, the captains, me and Kuchiki Rukia."

Oh god. I hadn't thought properly until now. I'm _dead _and I left my family all alone. I can only hope dad finally decided to tell Yuzu and Karin about shinigami. Though I quite positive Karin knows more than she lets on. Either way they're probably grieving and I need to let them know I'm ok.

Then a thought struck me. _Rukia_ knows I'm dead. How did she react? Is she looking for me?

Does she even care?

I stumbled to my feet and searched the room for a door and cursed the little midget when I didn't see one. Must be a trap door somewhere.

"Going somewhere?" She asked.

"I need to go!" I yelled franticly.

She clicked her tongue, clearly annoyed by my outburst but I was beyond the point of caring. "Not an option. We are scheduled to arrive tomorrow."

"But I need-"

"When you lost your powers did she come see you?"

My body went ridged and I turned to gape at her. "No."

"Did anyone send a letter? Give you a sign they still cared? Did your friends say someone stopped by? Ever?"

"No, but they must have been busy."

"I was visited by Kuchiki Rukia just a week ago. She boasted about her new promotion to lieutenant. But never mentioned you. Not even once." She shuffled over and handed me a piping cup of tea.

I slumped back down to the floor. Rukia didn't care anymore. Didn't talk about me. Has she forgotten what it was like to fight side by side? That feeling of pride when we defeated a hollow as a team? A strange feeling of numbness washed over me and I had a overwhelming desire to hide away from everything and everyone.

"Can I go for a walk?" I mumbled.

Toki nodded. "I'll give you a yukata to blend in." she paused. "Or try to blend in. Oh! And while your at it could you bye some peaches? I'm sure your hungry and they are delicious in these parts."

I nodded and took a paper she had written out the directions for where to get the peaches on, money for the peaches and in the other had held the yukata. Toki snatched up a broom and knocked on of the ceiling boards loose and climbed up through a latter she pulled down.

"Close the trap door when you leave. We don't want anyone knowing you're here."

Once she was gone I dressed in the yukata and finished my tea. I grabbed the paper with directions on it and slid it under the sash of the yukata. Then I started to wonder. Do I have my powers back? I must because I shouldn't be able to remember anything without them. Powers or not I should be able to protect myself.

I climbed through the trap door and quietly closed it. I didn't have to look for the main entrance since Toki had the doors wide open letting in the cool air. The sun was blazing yet the air was cool and light, less humid than Japan was by far. It was rather nice.

I took out the sheet Toki had given me and memorized the directions. Then decided I would try out my shunpo. I flared my reitsu and concentrated it on my feet as I ran. I found it much easier to control my reitsu now than before.

I stopped outside the peach shop the sheet had directed me too. I opened my hand to stare at the coins in my hand wondering what he hell each on was worth. When I found no luck of finding numbers on the coins I decided to ask the shack keeper who had been lively running around in the back.

"Hello?" I said a bit loud in hope the owner would hear me. There was a loud crash followed by a yelp. "Are you alright?"

"Fine!" called a voice. "I'm fine! Just hold on….a second!"

A woman hurried out of the back. She looked a bit younger than my dad. She had wavy light brown hair that looked a little orange and golden brown eyes. "How may I help you boy?"

"Please, you can call me Ichigo, I was wondering—"

I was cut off when the woman cupped the sides of my face with her hands. "Ichigo?" she smiled sweetly. "Is that really you?"

Suddenly I knew who was standing in front of me. The woman who only belonged in a poster in my kitchen was standing I front of me.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

* * *

Wow I updated two days in a row! Thats because I'm putting off homework and writing instead. Anyways if you don't know who Ichigo is talking about I'm going to wonder if you actually watch/read bleach at all. R&R.


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